Just Glory

post secret or livejournal?

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:41:37 GMT

I don't know if I should send this to post secret or post it in my livejournal:

Whenever I write something in my journal that I'm excited about and then it turns out I was excited for no reason, I'm embarrased to go back and write about how it didn't work out.

I've been writing in my paper journals more, but even then, if I write about good news and I have to go back and write about how it wasn't so good after all, I'm embarrassed for myself. It doesn't even matter that it's a journal no one's reading. My journal writing has definitely been hampered. I don't know what to do about it.

my comedian

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:50:28 GMT

The way Amy says things is so funny. This morning:

Me: "Amy, I think my coffee is ready. Can you smell it?"

Amy: "I will not accept coffee in my mouth. I will have chocolate milk."

hat envy

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:07:37 GMT

I'm so jealous of people who can wear those cute little crocheted hats and not look stupid. I wanna wear hats too!

creepy dreams

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:31:29 GMT

I've been having really creepy and unsettling dreams. Last night I dreamed someone in my family had a cat that got pregnant and had a bunch of kittens. I was exhausting myself trying to move the other cat and the kittens to a place in the house where the male cats could not get to the kittens and kill them. I kept having to take the kittens back to the box I was putting them in because the mother was trying to move them back to the original place she'd had them, and there were about three male cats that were intensely curious, and it was so hard for me to get them put away where they couldn't get to the mama and her babies. Once I finally managed that, a lady came to look at the kittens and pick one out to adopt, but instead of waiting until the kitten was old enough to take home, she took it right then, planning to bottle raise it. I flipped out on her and told her she was putting its life in danger and that wasn't acceptable. Everyone else around me seemed to think it was no big deal. I tried to take the kitten from her, and she wouldn't let me. I totally lost it, and I was fighting her and yelling and screaming and crying because she wouldn't let me put the kitten back with its mother. I was so enraged and felt so helpless. At the end of my dream, I was screaming at her that if the kitten didn't survive, I would sue her for animal abuse if I didn't just hunt her down and kill her.

I woke up feeling so unsettled and sweating profusely. I wish I knew why I dreamed that particular dream.

Amy's Birthday

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 16:18:07 GMT

I was going to wait until I could upload the pictures too, but I haven't had time for that yet, so...

Yesterday, Amy K. turned 4. I can hardly believe it. When I woke her up, singing the birthday song of course, I told her the story of the day she was born. And when I got to the part about how long she was and how much she weighed, she immediately wanted to know what she weighs on her 4th birthday.

This is why it's so hard for me to believe she's 4: 29 lbs., 3T clothes, size 7 shoes... barely. She's so tiny. We call her Mighty Mouse. Of course, after stepping off the scale, she said, "See! I knew I was growing!" To me, she's still my baby. She still crawls in bed with me at 3 a.m. She still wants to be held and rocked. I still carry her through crowded parking lots... ok, and around the house too. Anna was so, so independent, and in many ways Amy is too. She chooses her own clothes and dresses herself, and half the time puts her shoes on the right feet, she likes to help cook and brush her own teeth and carry groceries in from the car. But she still always comes back for cuddles, and I'll be so sad when these days are gone, so I hang on tight to them.

So Happy Birthday to my baby girl. It's a little bittersweet for mom.

a walk to the park

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 23:38:09 GMT

There's a park about a mile from our home that Anna and I walked to today. It was a great afternoon: http://www.flickr.com/photos/77215163@N00/?saved=1

It's too damn cold.

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:28:52 GMT

When I need to wear a jacket inside my home, I am NOT happy. I would be miserable living in a state any further north than this.

sharing the kitty love

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:52:48 GMT

teaching good habits

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:07:29 GMT

Growing up, we pretty much ate like crap. We ate whatever we wanted. Although there weren't always sweets or sodas in the house, we certainly didn't eat healthy. I've made it a point to teach the girls to eat healthy so that maybe they won't have to struggle so hard to make healthy choices when they're adults, to reverse habits that have been there since childhood. We still have our treats, but for the most part, their options are healthy ones around here. And most of the time they cry and beg for candy and cokes and McDonald's anyway... even though we only go to McDonald's a few times a year.

But sometimes I realize that they are developing some good habits. Last night at Subway when Anna ordered her sandwich (she always orders for herself), she ordered a turkey sandwich on wheat, no cheese, with spinach, tomatoes, pickles and olives. SPINACH. (beaming mom at this point). Then when we're eating dinner, she asks me if we can start trying new foods every week. She's trying to develop her taste for new foods so that she can be a food critic when she grows up. Seriously. Is this kid just 7?

One more funny thing she said at the end of the evening. We were sitting down to study for her spelling test that she takes today, and she forgot the list. When she got back up to go get the list for me, she said, "I'm just so empty-headed sometimes." And she didn't get that one from me!

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:35:04 GMT

Quote of the day: "Apparently, she has nothing nice to say. But I'm still her friend." This from my 3-year-old when talking about a girl from her Sunday school class who doesn't talk much. I always tell them, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." Her deductive reasoning skills brought her to the conclusion that, "If you have nothing to say, it's because you don't have anything nice to say." I love kids:)

I've been home with a migraine today. I took a ton of ibuprofen, starting yesterday. It's what I had. I woke up feeling worse today than yesterday. I finally found the right combination of meds, I think: ibuprofen, Tylenol PM and caffeine. My headache isn't gone, but I'm functioning and able to look at the computer screen without wanting to vomit.

Christmas is almost upon us. I'm not ready.

hopeful

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 04:45:27 GMT

I keep telling myself that I'm not looking for my next husband. And for the most part, I'm not. At least, I'm not because I'm not in a hurry... I'm not looking for the first man who'll take me... I'm not looking for someone who's just looking for a wife. I'm not Husband Hunting.

But I'm hoping for my partner. I'm hoping for someone who wants the same things I want out of life, who has similar ideas about how to raise children, whose priorities are at least remotely in the same order as mine. I never had that with Sean. None of it. We should have known those things before we got married, but we didn't take the time to get to know each other. I'm in no hurry this time. I want to get it right when getting to know someone... to really take the time to know what's in their head and what's in their heart without being blinded by what they've got between the sheets. Yeah... I said it.

And I tell myself all the time that I don't need someone. I can do this by myself. My children don't need a step-father. They still have their dad. For the most part, all of those things are true. BUT, I want someone. I'm happier when I'm making someone else happy - as long as they're invested in my happiness as well. I want someone to be cheering alongside me at the girls' soccer games or smiling proudly during their dance recitals when their father is living hundreds of miles away. And I want to have more children. I want to do it all over again with someone who would be as excited about it and serious about it and as invested in it as I am now and would be again. I want to love and to be loved, to respect and be respected, to cherish and be cherished, to trust and be trusted. I want to be someone's soft place to land, to make him feel supported in whatever his endeavors are. And I want someone to stand beside me and be my support as well.

I know that no matter the direction the storyline of my life takes, there will be a happy ending. These girls give me a sneak preview of the days and months and years to come every single day. But I hope to add some more warmth to the story- more joy, more depth, more strength, more fun, more adventure, more passion... another character who's irreplaceable. And I don't want to be the only author of this life. I want a co-author. I want someone who can write himself in without leaving me out. I know I'm not asking too much.

It's no compliment...

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 23:58:29 GMT

... when someone takes you aside to tell you that you look like you should be taking better care of yourself.

Jack-O-Lanterns

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 04:01:43 GMT

I de-stressed this evening by mutilating some pumpkins. It was fun:)

photo share

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 11:30:48 GMT

Photo Overload...

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:26:31 GMT

Look! http://www.flickr.com/photos/77215163@N00/

I'm wearing myself out. I've been fluctuating almost DAILY between feeling really happy and grateful and really lonely and sad and tearful. It's making me very tired.

I went to a Scott Biram show last night with Scott's parents. I still have the biggest crush in the world on him. I should be over it by now.

Work is sucking today. I haven't had a single person walk through the door to see an apartment. AND when I got here this morning, someone had put eggs, peaches, milk? and god knows what else through the rent drop ON TOP OF ALL THE CHECKS PEOPLE PUT IN THERE. It looked AND smelled like vomit. If it weren't for the egg shells, I'd have thought it WAS vomit. Thankfully, our personal trainer put on some rubber gloves with me and helped me get it cleaned up. There are still checks drying on the desk. It was so, so nasty. Why, why, why would anyone do that kind of shit?

not napping yet

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 15:11:22 GMT

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a energetic, warm, optimistic person. You approach everything with a lot of enthusiasm.

When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy.

You tend to be afraid of change. You are never ready for things to be different.

You find love to be the most comforting thing in the world. You feel at peace when you're with your loved ones.

Your ideal day is spontaneous and surprising. You like to play things by ear, and you always end up doing something interesting.

You tend to live in the moment. You enjoy whatever is going on, and you don't obsess over the past or future.

The Autumn Test

The only one I really don't think is right is the one about change. I actually love change and look forward to it. And when things stay the same too long, I feel stuck.

so, so much

Sun, 25 May 2008 15:30:41 GMT

I love cafes. I ate breakfast this morning at Magnolia Cafe on S. Congress, all the while wondering why oatmeal tastes so much better when someone else makes it. People are beautiful in cafes. It's a stark contrast to people in bars.

People are not beautiful in bars. Everyone is trying to be something in a bar, trying to look a certain way, appear to be a certain way, or at least to make themselves feel something that they didn't feel when they walked in the door. And that's before the alcohol sets in. Once they're drunk, it's a different kind of ugly. Alcohol is a great lubricant - it causes thoughts that should remain firmly planted in your mind to slide right out of your mouth and asses to slide right off a barstool and into a bed where they don't really belong. Drunken people become cartoons of their true selves, and it isn't pretty at all.

But in the cafe, people are beautiful in the way they're relaxed, with no agenda except to fill their bellies and maybe to visit. They're beautiful in the way they tend to their children, or to each other with quiet, intimate conversation and holding hands under the table. They're beautiful with their heads tossed back freely in laughter or quietly studying the morning paper. I love cafes.

I've been neglecting my LJ again, so I supposed I should write about where I'm living now. I took a job leasing luxury apartments in NW Austin. So, the girls and I are Austinites now. We're doing quite well actually, and so far I love it here. I'll love it a lot more when I've been here long enough for the paychecks to come regularly. So far, so good though.

a day at the park

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:18:22 GMT

PICTURE POST

still alive...

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:44:27 GMT

The girls and I are alive and mostly well, living in TX with my dad until I can get on my feet and get us a place of our own. I've been neglecting LJ b/c Myspace and Facebook don't require actually formulating any thoughts. I don't know how to write it all down right now. So, I'm going to just give you all some really cute pictures.

more behind the cut...

Sarah Jaffe

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 10:30:35 GMT

Everyone should hear this girl. I love her. She's a new favorite of mine. Listen especially to "Swelling." Her voice and her songwriting are both unique and honest. Oh, and absolutely beautiful!

http://www.myspace.com/sjaffe

A Defining Moment

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 13:18:35 GMT

So, I took some pictures of the girls last night, and the photos of Amy really shocked me. It's like, all of a sudden, she's a big kid and not a baby anymore. Bittersweet:( Maybe it's the dress. I wore this dress as a little girl. I was so delighted to have found it in a box of old things.

growing girls

Wed, 30 May 2007 21:51:50 GMT

I guess this one's more for my own personal record than anything. I just can't believe how fast these kids are growing up.

Anna loves kindergarten, and I'm so impressed with how far she's come this year. Californians know what they're doing by letting kids start earlier. If we were in TX, Anna wouldn't have been allowed to start kindergarten. BUT, here she's thrived. At the start of the year, she didn't recognize all of the letters, and now she's reading and writing! I'm so impressed. I really don't think I'd have had the patience to teach her all of that if she'd have spent another year at home. And socially she's blossomed too. I love to watch her confidently approach new kids and make friends. It makes me proud:)

And Amy...where do I even begin? This kid really amazes me...her sense of other peoples' feelings is the coolest thing. She knows just when to make a joke or give some lovin.' She decided she's a big kid and goes after what she wants. She has more patience than any 2-year-old I've met. She loves buttons and zippers and stringing beads. Anything meticulous, she dives right into. When Anna's having a hard time getting Polly Pocket's clothes on she just gets mad and gives up...then she takes it to Amy b/c Amy will sit there until she's gotten that thing dressed! And she potty trained herself in a matter of about 2 weeks...only the first few days were stressful. She sings and dances and is just as energetic as Anna always has been...but about a hundred decibles quieter!! I always say that Anna only has one volume, and that's loud. Amy is much more reserved, and I can appreciate that a lot:) From the time Anna goes to school until she gets home, the house is so quiet, and Amy's just a busy little bee...a quiet one:)

my how time flies

Anna Loree born 09/13/01

summer 2002

summer 2003

summer 2004

summer 2005

summer 2006

summer 2007

Amy Kathryn born 02/06/05

summer 2005

summer 2006

summer 2007

sister love

Tue, 29 May 2007 06:43:57 GMT

While I'm at it, a couple more:

posting a smile

Tue, 29 May 2007 06:39:46 GMT

THIS is how Phoenix gets my attention when I'm working. Isn't it pathetic?? I just love this cat, and I'm so glad he was rescued and happened to be dropped into my lap. He's my shadow. He even follows me to the bathroom and sits on the edge of the tub when I shower. He's such a lover!

And if you'd like to see the most recent pictures of the girls,

photo update!

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 01:43:34 GMT

Ok, I have pictures of all of us. We are doing well in 29 Palms. Everyone is happy and healthy. Anna is doing great in kindergarten, Amy is running the show around here, and Sean and I are doing great together. AND...go!